TAKING UP SPACE
“I can’t see you!. You’re disappearing from the neck down. Why do you want to be an actor? You’re apologizing for your whole existence, sit down.” It’s the second week of drama school and I’ve just sung a song in front of my entire class. ‘You are My Sunshine’ I believe it was - and those were the very harsh words that were delivered to me from the instructor who will remain nameless. “You’re apologizing for your whole existence!” Those words made me weep and they ring in my ears to this very day. I didn’t particularly like this teacher after that, unfortunately that first exercise colored the rest of the time we had them as a teacher and I believe from that moment on my body language was saying “I don’t give a f***.” It might have been the one time in my life where I actually stopped trying. Which is a shame, it was a good class, I could have learnt a lot, because looking back on this event over 20 years later I can’t help but think “They were right”
I’m sure I’m not the only woman to whom this comment rings true. Many of us apologize for our existence in subtle ways each day. When I think back to that day in drama school, I ask myself what made the teacher think that? I was indeed standing in front of the class, I did indeed sing a song (it probably wasn’t great but you could hear me) so why did she say she couldn’t see me? Because my body was screaming “Please don’t look at me. I don’t deserve to be here. I’m no good at this. Sorry to waste your time.” How was it doing that? By shrinking. I wasn’t standing tall, I wasn’t taking up space, my shoulders were hunched, I wasn’t giving eye contact, I didn’t know what to do with my hands, I didn’t know where to look, my weight was shifting from foot to foot, I wasn’t grounded and all that added up to being unwatchable and dismissable. Ouch!!!
I’m not quite sure why I wanted to become an actor. Maybe it was something to do with needing to be heard, needing to be seen and acknowledged and not knowing how to go about doing that myself. So I thought, perhaps hiding behind another person’s persona would make that easier! It’s kind of true, being onstage and portraying a character is much easier than public speaking as me, myself and I, but I wouldn’t say that pretending to be someone else is the key to good public speaking. As an actor I receive a lot of flack about my choice of career from people outside of the industry. Many people believe that it’s something that everyone can do, because actors recreate everyday behavior, it looks normal and easy, but there’s a great deal of technique behind the craft. There is a great amount to learn for the non actor, about acting technique, that can provide practical tools to use in any public speaking situation. Above all, the ability to let yourself be seen.
I spent three years in drama school training my being (body, voice and mind) how to be present onstage, how to be watchable and undismissable. I’ve spent nearly 20 years since continuing this training and putting it to practice onstage and with less success, in real life. (Habits are so hard to break!) When I’m rehearsing for a role or teaching in person regularly, my body, voice and mind are kept in shape. Being in a room together with other students and actors, sharing energy and physical impulses makes me feel alive. Being present in my body, being grounded, harnessing strong weight and focusing on the here and now makes me want to stand tall, which makes me feel invincible and through the simple act of taking up space I send the message to my colleagues and whoever is watching “Look at me! I deserve to be here.” But now, sitting in front of this computer, totally disembodied I squirm as I write those words. I am not physically present, I’m disappearing into my mind and shrinking and I want to burst open the window and scream “I deserve to be here!! I’m not apologizing anymore.” I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks and feels this.
Much has been written about Professor Amy Cuddy’s famous Ted Talk of 2012 called Power Poses. In this fantastic presentation, Ms Cuddy reveals the findings of a study she did on how the levels of testosterone in our bodies rise when we take on physically powerful poses - like the famous Wonder Woman pose, which depicts a woman standing tall with her hands of her hips. She is taking up space and her body is screaming “Look at me, I deserve to be here.” And according to the previously mentioned study, as much as she is looking confident, more importantly the rise in testosterone in her body is making her feel confident. Yes, if we take up space it makes us feel good. Add to that a strong connection to the ground through your feet, energy in the lower body, a focus outside of yourself and stillness, and BAM you have physical presence. “Easier said than done”, you say! And yes, you’re right.
The reason why we slouch and cower and take up less space, lose ourselves in our phones, hide behind computer screens and avoid eye contact, is to avoid being seen. To be observed, to show your true being to the outside world is extremely daunting. It makes us feel vulnerable and exposed, especially if we’re not used to existing in the world in this manner. Being seen is scary!!! And what’s making it worse, in this new pandemic work at home reality, many of us are constantly forced to look at ourselves on Zoom for hours on end. That’s like someone following you around with a mirror all day, constantly reminding you of your flaws!! There’s a reason why actors don’t rehearse in front of a mirror - because it’s impossible to do so without your egotistical judgmental brain constantly in overdrive.
So yes, power poses and standing tall make you look and feel confident. But the question I want to answer in my work now is how can we embrace the discomfort and vulnerability that comes with allowing yourself to be seen? How can we be comfortable feeling uncomfortable? One of the most common questions I get asked as an actor is “Do you get nervous when you perform?” and the answer is yes. But I’ve learned to embrace the discomfort of nervousness by simply thinking of it as energy. By taking the fearful connotations of that word away from the feeling, locating the place where the energy resides in my body, I can channel that energy into something useful. And I don’t mean psychologically, I literally put that energy into my lower body, harness it and hold onto it in a tangible practical way. Another trick that anyone can learn and apply to public speaking. Again I hear you say “Easier said than done.” and yes, you’re right. It’s taken 25 years of training to get here. But with a little knowledge, some practical tools and a little more practice and perhaps we can all embrace the discomfort of being vulnerable, stand tall and say with all our being “Look at me. I deserve to be here.”
Tina Mitchell is an actor, director, acting lecturer and public speaking coach. For more information on workshop offerings please visit: www.tinacmitchell.com/public-speaking-classes
Further reference:
TED Talk: Your Body Language may shape who you are - Amy Cuddy: https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=amy+cuddy+power+poses&docid=608008386693315669&mid=586E6DB114506CCF5D1D586E6DB114506CCF5D1D&view=detail&FORM=VIRE
Presence - Amy Cuddy
Photo by Osmar do Canto on Unsplash